Daydreams of a Dainty Damsel: Guest: Mary Lynne Jarvis

Goals:

As I near the age of 69 I am able to use a lot of years as examples of who I am and what I am. I guess asking, "who am I?" is a universal question. I wonder if we determine the answer according to what makes us happy.

I know that I feel happy when I accomplish a goal.

I set a goal at about age 12 to go to BYU when I got out of high school. I did go to BYU and stayed for 2 years, but my goal to graduate didn't happen as I planned. 25 years after graduating from high school I got my Bachelor's degree at Missouri State University in Springfield. and then six years later I achieved my BYU dream by getting my Master of Library Science at BYU in 1992, having spent four summers away from my family in Missouri.

My marriage in the Los Angeles temple was the result of goal setting, too. I had determined as a young girl to live worthily of temple marriage. It was my beacon light that led all my decisions such as what friends to run with, what boys to date, and how to keep my promises I made at baptism to my Heavenly Father. But that meant I had a new goal: be an eternal companion to someone who didn't always see things my way. My goal: be a careful steward of anything my husband earned, and appreciate all of our blessings. Soon I learned that I had an even harder goal: get out of debt. Floyd failed to reveal how much money he owed when we got married.

When Debby was born my love was overwhelming. I now had a new goal: to teach this child all about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the true church, just as my mother and dad had done for me. I wanted to be worthy of being a mother, so everything now hinged on my being a righteous and conscientious mother. When I was expecting Scott, we moved to St. Johns, Arizona. Having two children brought me so much joy that I was beginning to wonder how I could possibly deserve so much happiness. Seeing the two of them interact with each other taught me a little about how our Father in Heaven must feel in his love for us. I hadn't been able to go to work to get that debt goal accomplished, but I did sell dresses from a company that catered to home workers, and I tried various other selling ventures including a door to door spice and household products line like the Fuller Brush Company. I even did some substitute teaching. But mostly my goal was to be a good mother.

Floyd had told me his goal was to go to law school. I believed him, so I engineered a move to Mesa, Arizona where he could work part time and go to law school full time. It wasn't a good plan since he couldn't find a job. We had an automobile accident on our move (my fault) and I was laid up for about a month before I could go to work. When I did, it was in a retail store selling fabric. Floyd still couldn't find work. Finally, just before school started he was able to land a job in Nogales, Arizona. We moved there and he began working on a Master's Degree (instead of law school) in Tucson, about 60 miles away. I was able to substitute teach. I, too, wanted to complete my goal of graduating from college, so I took a couple of classes. In one of those classes I met a sweet Jewish mother who was concerned about her child going to kindergarten in the only one available in Nogales--a Catholic school. She asked me to teach a private kindergarten of mostly Jewish children and she organized the location and the student body. I was able to enroll Debby in my class even though she was only 4 and Scott was able to go to the preschool, also organized by the Jewish mothers, across the street in another community building. I loved teaching and decided I needed to get my degree. But I quit teaching after only a year when Rebecca was born.

My goal list was getting longer: be a successful mother, get out of debt, graduate from college, stay married. Mostly my 1st and last goal were achieving themselves as I was blessed with amazing children who soaked up everything they were taught and WANTED to do everything right. And Floyd was doing well being a daddy and husband. He even became Branch President. Sweet little Rebecca was born and I couldn't teach, but I could babysit.

Floyd was pursuing his goals which didn't coincide with mine. He wanted to move to Missouri. Living on a farm was appealing, so I came willingly. I was able to work on debt by substituting. When we moved to Ozark we had five children and our debt was oppressive, so I went to work at Christian County Library. I loved working there. Librarians learn how to find anything. Libraries operate on being organized. I learned so much in those five years that I wanted to keep on learning. I quit my job, went to school full time for two years, then got a job being a school librarian, which I did for the next 22 years. My goal of being a great mother was in conflict with my goal of getting out of debt. Meanwhile, blaming my husband for the debt was in conflict with my goal of being an eternal companion. Life's like that, full of conflicts.

Here I am nearly 69 and my children have become wonders, each of them, in spite of my neglect while pursuing the goal of debt riddance. My greatest joy is watching my children and grandchildren succeed in their worthy goals. I love it that my grandchildren love each other. Heavenly Father must feel that way when we treat our fellowman with love and respect. Floyd has continued to be a devoted father. My career is over and I am thankful to be home, pursuing more immediate goals of caring for a home, a garden, doing genealogy, and teaching Primary. I am very happy, because while Floyd didn't share my goal of being debt free, my goal has given me a good lifetime personal income. And I am able to pay for everything I need.

I'm still making goals and I'm still happy upon seeing the results of accomplishment.